Tired

It would be easy to say that the constant screaming and whining is making me tired. It would definitely be true. It seems every second of the day Dylan is screaming at the top of his lungs because he can't turn the page of a book he is reading, or maybe his hair feels funny, or the booger in his nose is just out of reach. All the while Maryn is whining, whining, whining. For me the whining is a bit easier to ignore. It's the screaming that gets me. You know the kind you can hear over the hair dryer blasting in your ear two rooms away (maybe a louder hair dryer is in order).

But that's not really all of it. I am the most tired of hearing my own voice. Constantly talking, talking, talking. Get back here, don't do that, say your sorry, go to time out, do you hear me. It seems endless.

This too shall pass....hopefully before my head explodes.

YEAH!

Well, today I thought would be utterly sad, sad, sad. You see, today is the last submission of Catherine Newman's "Bringing Up Ben & Birdy", the journal I have followed now since I became pregnant with Maryn. I knew this day would come eventually and I would have to send her off, thanking her wholeheartedly for the maintenance of my sanity. Thanking her for her blessing of a book that I will surely pass on to my children.

So, I sadly make my way to read the last and final gem. Here is my favorite part:

"And so I am sitting here in my tight and sagging swimsuit. (Where is my pregnant belly? Where are my breasts spilling over with milk? These are not rhetorical questions: They are in my thighs.) And I am thinking of you. I have written about this very beach since Ben was a skipping, sunny 2-year-old and Birdy was just an erping reflux after breakfast. Some of you have been with me since then, and I am at a loss for words over this.

But what happens right now is that I'm dabbing more sunscreen on Birdy's cheeks — her flushed, smiling face is tipped up to me, and I am kissing her nose, rubbing the clown-white cream into her hairline — when I notice an older woman smiling at us from her towel nearby. And I don't know what this says about me, but the fact of her watching us — well, it helps me be my best self. When Birdy fidgets, when she grabs my hair in her sandy fingers, I don't nag or grimace — I just see us in this moment, this blessed moment of mother and child. I'm trying to tell you something here. I'm trying to tell you that because I knew you were watching, I have been a better parent. I know it's weird, but this is the truth."

As I near the end, ready to grab my tissues, I see this....www.benandbirdy.blogspot.com! Woo-Hoo is all I have to say! Oh yeah, and Thank Heavens!!!!

Am I Missing Something?

Today on my way to the dreaded dentist I heard Alan Jackson's new song "Red On A Rose". Now I like Country music but this was one of those ridiculous songs that stretches way too far for meaning. One particular lyric states, "I love you like all children love pennies". Is this a phenomenon that has somehow eluded me? I mean, I don't particularly care for pennies, but we all know the hearts of children are pure. I begin to wonder about the possibilites.

"Mommy, I don't want to go to bed!".....Here my penny-loving angel, off you go.

"Mommy, I went pee/poop!"....Oh how wonderful, here is a penny my sweet daughter.

Dylan shared a toy.....a pocket full of pennies!

What a sweet hug Dylan....penny, penny, penny!

I mean, the economic benefit alone is astounding because we all know that that penny will hit the floor and be forgotten in a matter of minutes, and that is pushing it! The recycle factor is limitless. One single penny could last you through high school at least. Maybe I should write Alan Jackson just to clarify the bounds of the penny love. Just so I don't over do it! ;)

Great Song!

If you might ever be in the mood to prematurely envision your children getting married, especially those with daughters, Heartland's song "I Loved Her First" is just for you.

I heard this on the way to work this morning and it took me to a place I'm desperately not ready for. I snapped back to reality and thanked my lucky stars that they are still 2 and 3.....but only for a moment!

New Playhouse

After 2 days in the blazing heat, myself and Uncle Wes built the kids a new playhouse and slide, adding it onto the swingset we built for them last year. The kids seem to like it, and WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THE LADDER, which I THREW together, I'm pretty proud of it. Click on the photos to view larger pics.

I Truly Don't Know Why I Think Of These Things!

My mind constantly wonders into the future. I often feel incapable of remaining in the present and many of my prayers are focused on this matter specifically. As a parent, I constantly sit in wonderment about what our lives will become, which brings me to my thoughts this morning on the way to work.

Watching all the kids waiting for the bus in their driveways with dreadfully solemn looks on their faces took me back to my days in school and inevitably the age-old conversation: "How was school?", says mom. "Fine", says child who doesn't even attempt to make eye contact. The End.

I dread the idea of this daily conversation and was pondering what I could do now to make this different. Please, for anyone reading this know that I am purely talking theory and hypotheticals. I am so sure that I will read over this in 10 years and laugh my ever-lovin head off!

I believe the key for me is vulnerability. I catch myself often escaping to a private location to indulge my feelings of sadness, anger, or frustration. I feel the need to shelter my children from these moments. Maybe it is fear that their image of me as "glorious, so silly mommy" will be altered somehow. I wonder how would my kids ever feel comfortable expressing to me the ups and downs of their lives if I don't do the same with them. So, I am trying to make it a habit to verbally express to them how I am feeling and what I am going to do to make it better, or how I can just revel in my feelings of happiness. Specifically, I know my kids will learn how to handle life through me. If I don't show them all parts of my life, what will they have learned?

As I was thinking about this I felt God showing me that he needs me to do this with Him too. I have been struggling in my prayer life with being vulnerable. With expressing anything that altered from being thankful, steadfast and even-keeled. So, here is to being vulnerable! Excuse me, while I unload myself on you all! :)