Tired

It would be easy to say that the constant screaming and whining is making me tired. It would definitely be true. It seems every second of the day Dylan is screaming at the top of his lungs because he can't turn the page of a book he is reading, or maybe his hair feels funny, or the booger in his nose is just out of reach. All the while Maryn is whining, whining, whining. For me the whining is a bit easier to ignore. It's the screaming that gets me. You know the kind you can hear over the hair dryer blasting in your ear two rooms away (maybe a louder hair dryer is in order).

But that's not really all of it. I am the most tired of hearing my own voice. Constantly talking, talking, talking. Get back here, don't do that, say your sorry, go to time out, do you hear me. It seems endless.

This too shall pass....hopefully before my head explodes.

YEAH!

Well, today I thought would be utterly sad, sad, sad. You see, today is the last submission of Catherine Newman's "Bringing Up Ben & Birdy", the journal I have followed now since I became pregnant with Maryn. I knew this day would come eventually and I would have to send her off, thanking her wholeheartedly for the maintenance of my sanity. Thanking her for her blessing of a book that I will surely pass on to my children.

So, I sadly make my way to read the last and final gem. Here is my favorite part:

"And so I am sitting here in my tight and sagging swimsuit. (Where is my pregnant belly? Where are my breasts spilling over with milk? These are not rhetorical questions: They are in my thighs.) And I am thinking of you. I have written about this very beach since Ben was a skipping, sunny 2-year-old and Birdy was just an erping reflux after breakfast. Some of you have been with me since then, and I am at a loss for words over this.

But what happens right now is that I'm dabbing more sunscreen on Birdy's cheeks — her flushed, smiling face is tipped up to me, and I am kissing her nose, rubbing the clown-white cream into her hairline — when I notice an older woman smiling at us from her towel nearby. And I don't know what this says about me, but the fact of her watching us — well, it helps me be my best self. When Birdy fidgets, when she grabs my hair in her sandy fingers, I don't nag or grimace — I just see us in this moment, this blessed moment of mother and child. I'm trying to tell you something here. I'm trying to tell you that because I knew you were watching, I have been a better parent. I know it's weird, but this is the truth."

As I near the end, ready to grab my tissues, I see this....www.benandbirdy.blogspot.com! Woo-Hoo is all I have to say! Oh yeah, and Thank Heavens!!!!

Am I Missing Something?

Today on my way to the dreaded dentist I heard Alan Jackson's new song "Red On A Rose". Now I like Country music but this was one of those ridiculous songs that stretches way too far for meaning. One particular lyric states, "I love you like all children love pennies". Is this a phenomenon that has somehow eluded me? I mean, I don't particularly care for pennies, but we all know the hearts of children are pure. I begin to wonder about the possibilites.

"Mommy, I don't want to go to bed!".....Here my penny-loving angel, off you go.

"Mommy, I went pee/poop!"....Oh how wonderful, here is a penny my sweet daughter.

Dylan shared a toy.....a pocket full of pennies!

What a sweet hug Dylan....penny, penny, penny!

I mean, the economic benefit alone is astounding because we all know that that penny will hit the floor and be forgotten in a matter of minutes, and that is pushing it! The recycle factor is limitless. One single penny could last you through high school at least. Maybe I should write Alan Jackson just to clarify the bounds of the penny love. Just so I don't over do it! ;)

Great Song!

If you might ever be in the mood to prematurely envision your children getting married, especially those with daughters, Heartland's song "I Loved Her First" is just for you.

I heard this on the way to work this morning and it took me to a place I'm desperately not ready for. I snapped back to reality and thanked my lucky stars that they are still 2 and 3.....but only for a moment!

New Playhouse

After 2 days in the blazing heat, myself and Uncle Wes built the kids a new playhouse and slide, adding it onto the swingset we built for them last year. The kids seem to like it, and WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THE LADDER, which I THREW together, I'm pretty proud of it. Click on the photos to view larger pics.

I Truly Don't Know Why I Think Of These Things!

My mind constantly wonders into the future. I often feel incapable of remaining in the present and many of my prayers are focused on this matter specifically. As a parent, I constantly sit in wonderment about what our lives will become, which brings me to my thoughts this morning on the way to work.

Watching all the kids waiting for the bus in their driveways with dreadfully solemn looks on their faces took me back to my days in school and inevitably the age-old conversation: "How was school?", says mom. "Fine", says child who doesn't even attempt to make eye contact. The End.

I dread the idea of this daily conversation and was pondering what I could do now to make this different. Please, for anyone reading this know that I am purely talking theory and hypotheticals. I am so sure that I will read over this in 10 years and laugh my ever-lovin head off!

I believe the key for me is vulnerability. I catch myself often escaping to a private location to indulge my feelings of sadness, anger, or frustration. I feel the need to shelter my children from these moments. Maybe it is fear that their image of me as "glorious, so silly mommy" will be altered somehow. I wonder how would my kids ever feel comfortable expressing to me the ups and downs of their lives if I don't do the same with them. So, I am trying to make it a habit to verbally express to them how I am feeling and what I am going to do to make it better, or how I can just revel in my feelings of happiness. Specifically, I know my kids will learn how to handle life through me. If I don't show them all parts of my life, what will they have learned?

As I was thinking about this I felt God showing me that he needs me to do this with Him too. I have been struggling in my prayer life with being vulnerable. With expressing anything that altered from being thankful, steadfast and even-keeled. So, here is to being vulnerable! Excuse me, while I unload myself on you all! :)

I Could Not Be More Proud!

Well we did it. We spent the weekend potty training and I could not be more proud of my daughter. She amazes me and I am simply beaming.

Rex and I took a stance early on that we would wait until we knew Maryn was ready to potty train. Depending on who you are talking to this can be a popular approach or a lazy one. But, we endured the comments of disbelief that a 3-year-old was not potty trained and the ones that claimed: they're your children and we will let you screw them up however you choose. And low and behold the results are the same. My daughter is going to the potty, well at least she is peeing in the potty. And you can ask our friends, Jeff and Amy, who were over for dinner last night........she is really going to the potty! From dinner to bathtime, she must have sat on the potty 20 times. Enthusiastic to say the least!

Every parents approach to potty training is different, but I have to say that I am very happy we waited. Being able to see Maryn being so proud of herself is beyond words. She is so aware that she is crossing a threshold from being a baby to being a big girl and I am happy to make those steps while holding her hand instead of at her back pushing her across!

Kudos to you my sweet baby girl!!

Edited on 8/7/06:

I just wanted to add that a week later, Maryn is already pooping in the potty! I am so stoked! We went the whole weekend with not one single accident and we actually left the house! It was so funny sitting in the bathroom with her while she pooped. I tried so hard not to laugh when her face would turn red and she would strain to go and say, "it's just going to pop right out!"

Because she progressed through this potty training thing so quickly, Rex and I got tired of handing out prizes all day. So, we took her to the store yesterday and picked out her final prize for doing so well (a cinderella doll with accessories)and had a "Potty Party" cake.

Poor Dylan has just caught on to the process and this morning went and sat on the potty with all his clothes on. I said to him, "good boy, look how big you are". He proceeded to get down from the potty and walk directly to the closet where we kept the potty prizes and say, "treat". Needless to say, he was not at all happy when I explained that he had to actually pee or poop in the potty to get a prize. His day will come!

Sometimes I Fail

I realize that a more accurate title would likely be "On the Rare Occasion I Get It Right". I know I do not stand alone as a parent when at the end of the day I am all too aware that I have screwed up. I was irritable, I was cranky, I was unforgiving, I was brooding around with that face that makes me catch my breath if I have the misfortune of stumbling across a mirror.

With Maryn's wonderfully enhanced vocabulary she can now say to me, "mommy...don't scream at me". What this makes me realize is that I have passed on to my daughter my penchant for overexagerating. Screamed, I did not. Talked loudly, very likely on certain days.

As always, Catherine Newman knows just how to say it:

"The thing is, I am forever snapping at them and exasperated. I come after them in my awful, neurotic way with wet washcloths and hand sanitizer and sunscreen and bug spray and I ruin their lives. I nag them to finish their milk and brush their teeth and clean up the living room and be careful on the stairs and stop scratching my back with their revolting toenails. I wiggle teeth and dig out splinters and turn an appraising eye to their moles and scalps and infected bug bites and red throats. They are too loud and too wild and too whiny and too bickery and too hot to be crawling all over me like that. But still I can't get over the miracle of having them here."

Maryn and Dylan:
In the process of ruining your life may I never, ever get over the miracle of having you here!

Missing the Paci

I say this with complete love for my daughter... There is one downside to the fact that Maryn no longer has her pacifier. Her mouth NEVER stops moving!

This was the case before, but at least when we were nearing nap time or nighty-night time, it truly was a quiet, chill-out-on-the-couch moment. NO MORE. She talks, she refutes things you say, she questions you and then corrects you, she plays Devil's Advocate, she recites the Gettysburg Address... and so on and so on.

But still, we love her. Its just a new world now, that's all.

Small Confession

I have realized something recently that although I should not do.....I fully admit to. My two beautiful children are terrified of bugs. I don't know how this could have possibly happened with us for parents ;)! Nevertheless, when my kids see a bug they take off like a full-grown black grizzly bear is nipping at their heels.

Knowing this about my children you would imagine I might discreetly take care of a random house bug. What I actually do is use this to my advantage. We all need what experts call "Mommy Time-Out" right? I now get this by declaring....."BUG"! And all of a sudden I am peacefully finishing up dinner or actually using the restroom without an audience........at least for a minute or two!!

Maryn's First Night Without Her Paci... Marathon Puking!

On Friday Maryn took her gift bag, with all the thousands of stickers she applied to it, filled with all her paci's to give to the babies at her school. She was so great when we went in. She dug right into the bag and wanted to literally give the paci's to the babies. She HAD to see them in the babies mouths. I explained to her that they would only need them at nap time, in which she replied to me, "I'll wait". Of course you will. So, with some coaxing the hand off of paci's was complete and we moved on to the rest of our day, she to class and me to work.

Because of her being such a big girl, I agreed to take her to McD's to get chicken nuggets directly after our doctor's appointment for Dylan's hiney rash. As the end of the day was approaching I was getting really anxious about what I was in store for. I had convinced myself that I may not get the best nights sleep. I was somewhat hopeful because she naps at school with no paci and has since she started.

Evening comes and everything that I expect to happen...happens. She asked for it after bath and seemed fine when I reminded her. She played around chatting until Dylan fell fast asleep and then she started to cry. This lasted about 5 minutes and then she was fast asleep. Not so bad...right? Then it began.

Around 12am, Maryn woke up and had barfed all over herself. Rex gets her up and we put her in the shower. We were really thinking maybe she had just really upset herself and that was it. We let her snuggle with us for a while and I take her back to bed. As I am laying her down in her bed she starts to gag and puke again. Then, all of a sudden my quite sleeping little boy wakes up and barfs all over his bed. Needless to say we all end up in the living room on the sofas and Rex and I spend the evening catching barf. We finally get to sleep about 6am and luckily the kids slept until 10:30am. I can say with minimal certainty that I don't think Maryn will ever eat another chicken nugget. I can't say that I don't like the idea of this.

Here's the part I am so proud of. Through this night of hell, Maryn asked for her paci just once. Generally when she is sick, day or night, she will ask to have it. But only once. Today she has not mentioned it even once. I am so proud of her. Yeah Maryn!

Just so you all know, everyone was just fine this morning. Back to normal. Dylan greeted me running full steam down the hall and Maryn, in her usual after sickness state, has been clinging onto us like one of those monkey's with the velcro feet. Here's to hoping that we do not have to catch another bucket of barf for at least a couple months!

Our Son the Nudist

I put Dylan down for his nap on Saturday. He never did go to sleep. I waited and waited, but no go. I'd hear him in there talking and laughing or I'd hear the springs in his crib going as he bounced up and down. I'd march in there, tell him to lay down, cover him up, leave, and then 5 minutes later he was at it again.

Finally after an hour or so, I decided to go get him since he wasn't going to sleep. When I walked in, he was just standing up, pacifier in his mouth sideways yet a big smile on his face. He was just looking at me with that goofy smile.

I walked past his crib to get some clothes for him (since I had laid him down with only his diaper on.) When I turned around, I noticed what he was smiling about - he was butt naked. He had taken his diaper off and tossed it over the edge of the crib.

I said "What did you do?" and he just smiled bigger and made a small, sly chuckle, "Heh heh!"

Really missing Dylan this week!

Maryn has been sick this whole week. The doctor says she has a severe sinus infection. Every night she spikes really high fevers so we have had to keep her out of school. On Wednesday, Rex stayed home with her. On Thursday, I stayed home with her. And today she is home again with Daddy.

Although I am really sad that she doesn't feel well, it is like we have been on some strangely pleasant sick holiday.....and Dylan did not get invited. He has gone to school by himself everyday. Walking out the door with whomever was taking him to school, all smiles, saying his goodbyes to everyone. He was excited to go to school. He didn't know what he would be missing. But, I did.

Despite Maryn's sickness, we have met for lunch everday. She has gotten balloons. We painted fingernails. She got to go to work with Daddy and sat at a big desk drinking her coffee (oj in a coffee mug) and eating her muffin man (what she calls a muffin), doing big things like making a grocery list and counting her money. She has felt really special I am sure. And I really am happy that we have had some alone time with her. I also feel a little sad that Dylan, blissfully at school, is missing out on it all! We did get an extra balloon for him today at lunch though. It was a gesture he will never know because it popped on the way out the door. Maryn mourned Dylan's balloon only for an instant. I mourned the lack of his presence a little longer.

Potty Patty Rant!

We all desperately want Maryn to be potty trained. It seems we have tried everything. Incentive charts, special potties (I think we have about 3 varieties), and treats. We have done everything but bribe her with money. Because I am so desperately ready for this moment I broke down and purchased a very highly touted on-demand potty doll. I felt this was a hopeful last resort.

I got the doll with very high hopes. I had visions of my daughter and I skipping to the potty with big broad smiles on our faces! This sadly has yet to happen and the life of Potty Patty has dwindled down to Bathtime Patty and I have now accepted the fact that I purchased a $40 bath toy.

Had I been clearly aware of the workings of Potty Patty, I likely would not have bought her. And, to my credit, if I had ever witnessed her being used by anyone, I most certainly would not have purchased her. But, what I found out after we first used Patty is that she does not "pee" unless you are squeezing the holy crap out of her leg. I can assure you that there is no way to do this discreetly. And if you get too passionate about the squeezing, her leg falls right off. What I imagine would be horrifying is apparently quite amusing to Maryn.

Maryn tried this by herself just once. She gave her a bottle and then proceeded to take her to the potty and she squeezed little Patty's leg with everything she had in her. I watch this process a little disturbed and wonder if this is the least bit confusing to her. She gave it a great attempt and seemed somewhat pleased as the "pee" came out with all the sound affects of a nearly empty bottle of lotion. Spewing and spurting along with every squeeze. It was short lived.

And now resigned to the tub what disturbes me the most is Dylan's pure delight that Patty squirts pee on his face when he bites her foot.

Oy vey! What are we going to do?

My Conversation with Maryn

This morning on the way to school I did my best to explain to Maryn where Daddy was.....again! :) Here is the result of our conversation:

R: He is in FL.
M: Where is that?
R: Where Mickey Mouse lives.
M: Daddy's at Mickey Mouse's house?
R: Yes
M: Show me which one.
R: You can't see it, it is in FL
M: Is it that one? (pointing to random houses along the way)
R: You won't be able to see it, it is too far.
M: Is it that one?
R: No honey, it is not that one.
M: I think he is lost.
M: You need to go get him.
M: We need to go get him right now...he is lost.
R: I think he can find his way home.
R: Do you want to say a prayer that Daddy gets home safe?
M: Yes
R: Dear Lord, please bring Daddy back home safely to us because we miss him very much,
M: and he is lost
R: Yes Lord he is lost. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.
M: Good job, Mom
R: Thanks honey!

When Daddy is Gone

Rex is out of town for a couple days and as the kids get older there reaction to this changes. For me, since the kids have gotten older the process is not so daunting. They are easier to manage. For them, they are more aware than they used to be. At this point it is more endearing than tragic because they don't quite get it. This morning was our first morning with Rex not there to fulfill his usual morning duties (he gets them up and dressed while I get ready and start breakfast) and it went very smoothly. It was after our routine that Dylan started to get curious. He starts to walk around the house saying, "Daddy...where he go?". He wasn't doing this in a screaming, I am gonna make all the noise my body can muster until I see Daddy's face kinda way like I normally expect from him. It was just a very curious, I miss Daddy way. We all do!

Rex has a very ellaborate good-bye routine with the kids that they very clearly missed this morning. Normally he straps them in while I gather all the bags and put them in the car. He starts with one and gives them hugs and kisses and high-fives's (you know the highs, lows, and too slows kind) and then goes over and repeats this with the other. As I am heading out of the driveway I generally roll my window down so Daddy can hear the enormously loud "bye, Daddy" that erupts as he stands at the top of the driveway. It is a wonderful send-off I have to say. Today instead they said, "bye daddy in florida!"

Silly, Silly Kids!

Just wanted to throw up a couple of photos of the kids that really show their personalities. Dylan, although a bit tempermental at times, is a regular nut. And Maryn, although a bit tempermental at times (see a pattern?) is a sweet little girl with always so much to say.

Beautiful girl!!!

Super boy!!!

Maryn loves ice cream at Papa Bear & Grandmama's house!

I swear the boy is going to cross-dress when he grows up... Please pray for him!

Father's Day!

This is my first ever blogger. Is it called a "blogger" or just a post? I don't really know. I thought Rex was such a weinie when he first started blogging (I feel silly just typing it) because it seemed so cliquey, but I am thrilled now that he put this blog together for the kids. I know they are so loved and many people care about how their little lives are going. I am thankful that everyone has a place to marvel and admire them as much as I do every day.

I do not think there is a single person, outside my family that I relate to more than Catherine Newman. Did I just claim to relate to my family? I really don't, and I am not sure I am supposed to. But anyway, Catherine Newman. I have been reading her weekly journal in ivillage since I became pregnant with Maryn in July of 2002. Since she began her journal at this same time, she has written a book (Waiting for Birdy) which I vow to one day own and pass on to my children and anyone I know who has kids. She has this way of putting what it feels like to parent, in all of its up and downs, in a way that no one else has for me. I adore her and anxiously await every weekly submission. I even have Rex reading them!

This week's journal was about Father's Day and I wanted to share a snipit of it with you all because it completely sums up how we all feel about Rex.....the bestest, bestest (do not read perfect), bestest daddy ever!

From Catherine Newman:
On a recent evening car ride, Birdy was so miserable about missing you that when somebody in a song we were listening to mentioned being sad, she burst into tears. The fact that it was a line from the song "I'm My Own Grandpa" seemed somehow beside the point. This was the same car ride during which Ben announced, "I have some gross comments and a normal question." I won't reproduce the comments here, but this was the question: "Mama, would you eat the grossest, unhealthiest, rottenest, grossest thing in the world if you had to, to stay partners with Daddy?" I pictured brains in aspic. I pictured liver flan with liver sauce. Chicken sushi. "I would," I said to Ben. "Anything." And he said, somewhat inaccurately but his point was perfectly taken, "I would too."

So, yes, to sum up I would eat cow brains to be with you! And even though we can hardly get Maryn to even eat toast at this point and all Dylan wants is Cashews and Cheese, I can guarantee they would too! WE LOVE YOU SO VERY, VERY MUCH!

Welcome to Our Munchkins

Since Dylan came into our world, life certainly got more hectic. We had a website for Maryn where we added photos of her and stories of her first year of life. Then Dylan came along. We started a website for him, but it wasn't long before we were finding that time was hard to come by.

Now here we are at 2006. Life is still busy, but more manageable. AND THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS TO REPORT! The kids are really growing, learning and changing. So we hope that this site will be a place where family and friends can log onto from time to time to check out the latest pictures and stories.

To save photos, click on the photo - this will open a larger copy of the photo in a new window. Then right click on the larger photo and choose SAVE PICTURE AS.

ENJOY!


Maryn and Dylan ride their first pony at Tanglewood Farms in Canton, GA.