My mind constantly wonders into the future. I often feel incapable of remaining in the present and many of my prayers are focused on this matter specifically. As a parent, I constantly sit in wonderment about what our lives will become, which brings me to my thoughts this morning on the way to work.
Watching all the kids waiting for the bus in their driveways with dreadfully solemn looks on their faces took me back to my days in school and inevitably the age-old conversation: "How was school?", says mom. "Fine", says child who doesn't even attempt to make eye contact. The End.
I dread the idea of this daily conversation and was pondering what I could do now to make this different. Please, for anyone reading this know that I am purely talking theory and hypotheticals. I am so sure that I will read over this in 10 years and laugh my ever-lovin head off!
I believe the key for me is vulnerability. I catch myself often escaping to a private location to indulge my feelings of sadness, anger, or frustration. I feel the need to shelter my children from these moments. Maybe it is fear that their image of me as "glorious, so silly mommy" will be altered somehow. I wonder how would my kids ever feel comfortable expressing to me the ups and downs of their lives if I don't do the same with them. So, I am trying to make it a habit to verbally express to them how I am feeling and what I am going to do to make it better, or how I can just revel in my feelings of happiness. Specifically, I know my kids will learn how to handle life through me. If I don't show them all parts of my life, what will they have learned?
As I was thinking about this I felt God showing me that he needs me to do this with Him too. I have been struggling in my prayer life with being vulnerable. With expressing anything that altered from being thankful, steadfast and even-keeled. So, here is to being vulnerable! Excuse me, while I unload myself on you all! :)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment