I'm so happy and yet devastated at the same time. I love you so very much, and time is passing by so very fast, it seems!You are such a big girl. You are so incredibly smart and creative. I've always known you were smart. People have always made comments about your intelligence since you were very small: you'd lay in your crib and amuse yourself rather than crying; you've always watched people very closely and quietly; you ask questions that are so surprising and "deep". But the creative side of you is still a recent thing, and it's so fun to watch. Your Granny is so creative, I'm somewhat creative (although it fades more and more from lack of practice), and your mommy is very creative, yet doesn't give herself much credit. Suffice it to say that you come by it honestly, and it's wonderful to see it. I hope we continue to support you in developing that part of you. I say "we", but I'm very thankful your mommy has taken the lead there (after all, I can't stand to see Play-Doh of various colors all glumped into one brown color!)
I had no idea what fatherhood would be like when you came into my life. I was in awe of you when you were born. You were mine. God had given you to your mommy and I, and I was certain of that. When we put you in the car to bring you home for the first time, I drove so slowly - every bump was a threat to your comfort and happiness! In every car was a driver who had no clue as to the precious cargo I was carrying and therefore had to be watched very carefully and avoided at all costs. If I could have called in a police escort to take you home, I would have!
As you have grown, I have realized just more and more the incredible responsibility I've been given. I realize just how much I can play a role in who you become one day. I realize how I treat you and how the relationship that I cultivate with you will have a bearing on every relationship you ever have, including that of your future husband. I also realize how much of a role I play even now in your confidence, self respect and most importantly, your ability to know, love and follow our Lord and Saviour. WOAH!!! Me, really?
I realized recently that I don't know any woman - any that I'm close to - who had a good relationship with their fathers growing up. That includes your mommy, your Aunts, your Granny... the list goes on. I was amazed by that realization, and saddened. Looking at them from that point of view, I can see where some of the trouble in their lives came from. That's not to say they wouldn't have had trouble - we all run into hardships in life. But there are certain things that I can see stemmed from the fact that they either didn't have a relationship with their fathers or didn't have a good one.
I pray that I do the best I can for you. That you always know I love you, and that you always know that I support you. I hope I never let you down in this way.
Princess Maryn, your laughter and your smile melts my heart. You have this genuine ability to smile so big and so true, and it's the most honest thing I've ever seen.
You catch me off guard with your insights - things you notice that I don't expect you to or that you've thought about and then formulated into questions that I wouldn't think you could have come up with on your own.
When we're in public, I beam with pride because you're so polite, so respectful and everyone always thinks you're so smart.
Today you're 5. I can't believe it. In the fall you'll start Kindergarten. I fear the days and years will just speed right by me at that point. I worry about people you'll meet in school, other friends you'll make, good attributes you'll pick up and bad. I shouldn't worry, right? But I do. You're my little girl, and you fill a place in my heart that no one but you can fill.
Maryn, I love you so very much. I hope you'll always call me, "Daddy" and I hope you'll always know how much I'm crazy about you. And I hope you'll forgive me in advance for being too overprotective, too judgemental of future friends, and too critical of future boyfriends. And at the end of the day, I hope you'll always know you can count on me, through thick and through thin.
Thank you for being the amazing little girl you are!
Love always and forever,
Daddy
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